Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
