And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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