It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
