I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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