Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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