I puked a lego.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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