i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
