So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
