so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
