Apparently you make a good broom.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
