dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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