You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
