I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
