And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
