he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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