You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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