Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
