She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
