the new term for farting is butt boxing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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