I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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