Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
