I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
