I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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