You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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