After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
