matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
