we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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