And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
