conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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