the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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