I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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