just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
