My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
