i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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