is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
