i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They took my balls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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