Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
