you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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