I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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