i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Randomize
