do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
