Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
