I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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