Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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