My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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