You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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