apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
