Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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