i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
