Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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