You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
