Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
